remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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