I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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