he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
