Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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