yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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