i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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