porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You are a genius and a whore.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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