Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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