an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Every concussion has its silver lining
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize