Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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