Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize