and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
