i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
