Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
