I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
