grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
