...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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