She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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