so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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