If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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