just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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