Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
