I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
