My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
