I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
