My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
