I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
