i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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