Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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