So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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