You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
