I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
