It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
