Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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