nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
