i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
