I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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