Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize