I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
