I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
