so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
