This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
