Do you still have your period?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
