I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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