that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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