you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
