getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
