Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize