that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
