Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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