He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i will never coherently bang her
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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