hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
