Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
