I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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