i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
