yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
