I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize