If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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