So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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