Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
