she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
