We're like a lot better than the average bears
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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