If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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