You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
