why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
