I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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