He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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