i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
