I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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