i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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