we're blogging at a bar
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
